I think we all have been there. We start our day optimistic, hopeful, and somewhere along the way, if it can go wrong, you'd better believe it will. I learned a long time ago not to expect anything. Nothing! Not in any situation, or under any circumstances. You are probably saying to yourself, Annette, that is pretty cynical of you! I think it's actually the opposite; I think I'm just realistic. Sometimes we envision and glorify situations in our head when they never really even deserved the space at all.
Don't get me wrong, it's not just people and situations that can let you down. Have you ever seen a commercial for a new type of food or restaurant and immediately say, That looks fabulous; I have to try that. You try it, and never say, Wow, this is even better than I dreamed it would be, instead, you are overcome with the thought, "What in the fresh hell is this?" The other day I was complaining; yes, I sometimes do that, and I said to my friend Christine I was hungry on my way home, and I did not feel like cooking, so I did a very foolish thing. I pulled into McDonald's and went through the drive-thru. I did not order anything crazy. I literally ordered a burger and a small fry. I mean, a regular burger, not some multi-stack concoction with globs of stuff on it - a simple burger and small French fries. I got home, ate it, and immediately regretted it. Those three things happened exactly in that order.
I was chastising myself for doing it, and writing a heartfelt apology in my head to my stomach for using it as a garbage can. When Christine looked at me and said, "I know just what you are talking about. It's like a bad relationship; you keep going back hoping it will be better, and it never is." I looked at her and laughed, and I said That is a GREAT analogy!!" WOW !!
When something disappoints us, why do we keep going back to it expecting a different result? McDonald's doesn't have great chefs and then not-so-great chefs- the food is the food. The burger is more hockey puck than beef. I'm pretty sure the McNuggets are made of feathers and beaks. They aren't flying this stuff in on the red-eye from the Tuscany region to guarantee freshness. Gordon Ramsay could cook it for me while screaming that I need to get the hell out of his kitchen, and it would still be trash. Life is the same; people are the same way.
People can only do what they are capable of. I learned that firsthand at my father's funeral. My parents were divorced while my mother was pregnant with me. I have one older brother, and we never met our dad. My brother was pretty bitter about it, but I was more curious than bitter. One day I got an email from my father's brother, David, inviting us to a family reunion. My brother refused to go, but I said What the hell and I went. I learned some things about my father; he wasn't invited. In fact, what I did learn convinced me that God had spared my brother and me a lot of abuse and heartache by not having him in our lives. I met many cousins, aunts, and uncles. I was very happy I went. Approximately a year later, I got a call from my uncle that my dad had passed away.
It's a hard feeling to explain when you realize the father you never met, you will never have the opportunity to meet. Very surreal. I got the date of the funeral and made plans to go. My brother and I are the oldest of my father's 6 children. No one other than his family even knew we existed. I sat through the service and listened to people eulogize him. I was sad he was gone. Sad I never reached out. I thought to myself, he had opportunities; he could have reached out if he really wanted to. He had 6 kids and really had no interaction with any of them. That moment made me realize you can't expect things from people. People are only capable of what they are capable of. You can't wish people to be nice, human, loving, and caring. Not everyone is capable of that. You either accept people as they are or you move on. But there is a plot twist.
My uncle asked me to speak with him privately. He had a very nervous look on his face. He cleared his throat and said, "Annette, would you take your father's ashes? No one else wants them." I never hesitated, and I knew he wasn't joking; of course I would take them. They sit beside my husband's ashes on a table in my living room. I tried to make a joke of it. When I came home from the funeral, I set the urn on the table, and I said to my daughters, " Meet your grandfather." I don't recall anyone laughing. I can't be angry at my dad. I wouldn't be here on this earth were it not for him, and that alone is something to be grateful for. Don't have lofty expectations for people. Sometimes they will disappoint you, and other times they will surprise you. Be ready for both.